Getting Homesick in my Hometown

It’s hard to believe that one can become homesick when I am surrounded by everything I grew up with, but that is the best way I can describe what I am feeling. I am homesick for parts of me that I no longer have. It may sound dumb but let me explain.

At 15- I was selfish. But no more than any other 15 year old girl. At this point however, I cared more about pleasing others than I did myself. If someone asked me to do something..I would. I didn’t over commit but I did things I had no interest in because I knew that it made my friend happy. At the time I would throw everything I had into a friendship. (which is strange because when I was in a relationship at the time, I couldn’t have been more unattached). When I lost a friend I had had from 13-18, I took it pretty hard because I had put so much into our friendship.

At 18- I knew what I wanted in my life. I knew the things I liked and the things I didn’t. I still pleased people because it was something I liked to do. I cared a lot and I would ask people how they were and genuinely wanted a response.

At 20- After studying abroad and doing everything for myself and not answering to anyone, I lost how much I used to invest into people. When I studied abroad I had no one to answer to except my friends. My friends however were people I had never heard of. I didn’t grow up with them, or hear about their high school scandals; I just knew them as they were, and they just knew me, as I was.

I am not blaming anything for how I am feeling. I am currently just trying to figure out how I feel. Maybe it is being in a sorority around many superficial people and things that is changing me? But I don’t believe that because there are so many girls that care so much for one another. I think it is just hard to take the time to understand other people’s situations when you are in college. I have to figure out how to balance my family, my friends, the house, a job, a relationship, school and myself…it’s a lot. And it’s a learning process, or so I am finding.